Soul

It is very conflicting to be with a person.


Sometimes you just can't live without, at times you just want to live without.


And when you cry because you can't be with him, it will be one of those moments when you hate yourself for doing all the stupid decisions. Like being angry for petty things, for making him do the laundry, shouting at him for not being a little more patient, complaining because he wasn't patient enough, feeling cranky because he ask you certain things you didn't like ... or like Carrie (from Sex and the City) complaining that Big always sits on the couch.


And during those moments when you cry, you'll feel like a bastard for being so cranky.


You'll be asking "What the heck was wrong about sitting on the couch?"


It will be one of those moments when you wish life could be like a DVD player, and you can just click on the rewind button and re-live that moment. That's when you'll feel so helpless.


When I saw Jasmine's blog about how she appreciate Rui for doing that for her, I told myself that these are the little things in life that we should always appreciate. They are the role model for all couples, please take this credit, Jas. :)


I have that gut in me, always telling me not to have that moment. I don't want to feel like I want to re-live some moments I thought I could make a different decision, which would make situations better.


I don't like to do that. Nobody likes to do that. Because we don't get to live each moment in life twice.



So,



when I start to complain, I told myself to stop.
when I start to be angry, I told myself to chill.
when I start to feel sorry, I told myself to try harder.
when I start to feel an urge, I told myself to listen.
when I feel sad, I told myself to learn.
when I feel happy, I told myself to smile and memorise that moment.



I want to appreciate all these moments.

... so when he said his usual good bye, walked away, and then suddenly turned back saying he forgot to kiss me, I told myself to appreciate him more.




Much more.




So much that I wish I could give him so much more in life.

XOXO,
theRascal